Living

Often I come across moments where I ponder if I am living or breathing. Scientifically, my body is living and breathing, but then why do I feel stagnant, dormant, and like I am breathing without living?

After my youth group had sang our last worship song this past Wednesday, I was hit with inspiration. That night of January 9, 2019 was clearest night sky I had seen since Christmas Eve, and the glass sky looked calm enough that one small movement could dissolve the image into a thousand ripples. I felt led to share this winter gift with the rest of the seniors in my youth group. I excitedly said to the other three, "Let's do something crazy. I've got an idea, but y'all have to trust me." I look back on this moment now and realize they probably never would have imagined me saying those words, but thankfully they decided to follow me to an unknown destination. I continued to turn corners and speed walk with a mischievous smile throughout the church building with one particular spot in mind. Once I had led them outside of our church, I turned around and said, "Now run!" I laughed at their confusion and their questions of where we were going as we all began to sprint. I ran as freely as I could to a nearby makeshift soccer field which marked our final destination. My encouragements of "keep running" faded as I stood in the center of the shadowy field and breathed in the cold night air. When everyone had reached the center and circled around, I said, "Now look at your feet." We stared down at our feet that all pointed to the same center. Then I spoke with enthusiasm, "On the count of three, look up at the sky and scream as loud as you can. One, two, three!" And with that, I looked up into the stary heavens and screamed and jumped as if this time I might really be able to touch the unattainable galaxies. At that moment, I truly was living as I gazed at the sky of a million illuminations. I had no worries and no cares. I had only passion, ambition, and peace (the kind of peace that accompanies screaming that is), and it was completely wonderful.

I am blessed to say that I am living and breathing. The moments like the ones where I scream with delight into a night sky singing a melody of stars are the fragments of time that truly live in me. But I suppose that is the point. To remember the times you were living during the times when you are only breathing. To breathe one more time so that you can live for the moments that you are truly alive.

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1 John 5:11 (NIV) "And this is the testimony:

God has given us eternal life,

and this life is in his Son."

Sempiternal - of never ending duration; eternal