From Thinking About Thoughts

Observing thoughts being thought has been a constant theme these past rather unique months. I define these recent unique months as "A strange, wonderful eye-opening blessing." What that exactly fully entails, I am still oberseriving at this very moment as I write my first blog post since the start of college. The following is the surfacing meaning of this definition:

"A" - This is what I did not receive in a challenging class even with the time and effort I put into it, yet the world is still turning...must be a sign that perfection is illusive and hard work is hard work no matter the outcome.

"strange" - Computer Science is the study of algorithms, the related mathematics, and their application to practical computational problems. How little I missed television. How much I miss tennis. The interesting joy of getting to know someone. Also, the fact that I have friends that still drive in a car with me while I go 60 in a 35.

"wonderful" - Nashville, Tennessee, living in the most peaceful dorm room with one of my most dearest friends, what an afternoon on October 7th at 1:48pm feels like, writing poetry in between lines of algorithms, vacuuming, swim cardio class at the YMCA, late night prayers with friends, friends that listen to me, friends that laugh with me, the unexplainable feeling of writing without a purpose, naming inanimate objects (Carthy, Birthy, Yuletide), learning from the challenges that seem mountainous, speaking and hearing my thoughts rather that hearing me say or think someone else's thoughts, the everlasting love of Jesus Christ, and the abundance more I could continue to add.

"eye-opening" - Realizing my mental immune system has learned how to live with infectious worry and working to surrender the symptoms to God. The difference between being alone and being lonely. Not necessarily becoming a new person, but rather becoming more of who I am as the person God made me. Being unsure of the future and feeling so confused with my millions of thoughts and feelings that I can't sort and define is normal and needs to be embraced.

"blessing" - God truly answers prayers and is ever present. The divinely orchestrated series of events leading up to finding my home church in Nashville. The amazing friends and people I have met over the course of my first semester. Also, my parents who are always there for me and give me the best guidance and wisdom as I learn about life.

The first semester of college vividly presented itself as "A strange, wonderful eye-opening blessing." The amount I learned, the amount I grew spiritually during this abrupt transition into the college world is still slightly incomprehensible to me. How spectacular this time truly is! How hard this time truly is. Its not all roses and daffodils. Mostly its choppy waves or tired ashes or icy wind, but even then, its the joy of life that I have found, that God has given me, that I thrive on. I suppose I shall end on a haiku.

life is beautiful

life is heart, an ever joy

joy, the heart of life

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Isaiah 54:10 (MSG) "For even if the mountains walk away

and the hills fall to pieces, My love won't walk away from you,

my covenant commitment of peace won't fall apart.' The GOD who

has compassion on you says so."

Amaranth - a flower that never fades